Everyone on your team is asking the same question, in their subconscious mind. They are asking this question all the time, and your ability to help them answer the question in productive and encouraging ways can lead to increased productivity, creativity, passion, and loyalty.
Understand the fundamental question your people are asking.
Question: Do I belong here?
Our brains were designed to keep us safe–find food, shelter, and friends who have our backs in case our village is attacked tonight by those crazy neanderthals downriver.
Then, once we feel safe, our brains click over into make-me-more-comfortable mode. Preserving calories, in case there’s a shortage tomorrow.
Safety, then comfort.
Back to your team members. You are paying them, they will have food and shelter today. Their next question is related to community:
Do I belong here?
They don’t realize they are asking this, but they are. Subconsciously.
Now, I’ll get more detailed about what that means, but first…
Let’s talk about you for a moment.
You, too, are one of these fragile humans. And your subconscious mind is asking all the time,
Will I have food and shelter… and do I have friends who have my back?
In other words,
Am I safe, and do I belong here? (Or will I experience lack and rejection?)
Get it? Do you feel that, at some fundamental, little kid level where you experience life when you’re not distracted by all your doing and proving and performing?
Here is the confidence hack for you–so you can step into your next challenge with boldness and courage, regardless of whether you’ve done it before or feel ready.
- First, decide you belong here.
- Then, let Life validate.
We think life, God, or circumstances should validate our next bold step before we take it, but that’s not how it works. First, we decide.
I belong here. And this is what I’m trying next. It doesn’t define me. But it seems fun to me–like the next challenge.
My value and worth is not contingent upon my performance. Who I am is not in question. So, why not try the next big bold thing and go for it with courage and confidence? I belong here. Because I decided so.
Then, look for Life to validate.
Of course, the validation process usually involves time, training, pain, and perseverance. You might find that Life validates while also redirecting a bit. It’s all part of it. Setbacks become stepping stones, failures become course fees–the costs you pay for the education you didn’t know you needed.
The point is not a perfect path to the goal, but courageous, confident action in the direction of your dreams and goals.
Who knows how everything will play out? Not knowing is part of having faith and having fun! Decide you belong. You’re here for a reason. Life has brought you to this point and here’s what seems to be the next right step in the direction of your dreams. Go for it!
If you need resources, trust that they will come.
If you need coaching, listen for the wisdom.
If you need practice, schedule it.
But don’t doubt or fear or panic. It doesn’t serve you.
Decide you belong. It’s done. It’s decided. Now you’ll work your way into discovering the path.
For added confidence, reflect on your past “wins”–times you took a step of courage and it worked out. Perhaps another instance when you had no idea how the path would take shape but you took small steps and eventually things came together for your good.
Take a moment right now and reflect on a “win.”
Now, back to your team member (or child, assistant, contractor…).
Here is a deeper understanding of how to support your people asking the fundamental question: Do I belong?
The question, do I belong?, breaks down into three sub-questions:
- Are they like me? Do I fit here and are these my kind of humans?
- Do they like me? Do they see me, appreciate me, and value my unique contribution?
- Can I be me? Am I safe to be myself, even if I fail or show my imperfections?
Think about one specific person in your business or in your life that you really want to be successful. Consider how they’ve been subconsciously asking you these questions. What kind of answers do you think they’ve gotten from you? What’s the message you’re sending? What’s the message your meetings are sending? What’s the message your priorities are sending? What’s the message your reactions are sending? What’s the message your lack of intentional coaching is sending?
What’s one step you can take today to reinforce that they belong?
Conclusion
You want to become a better leader? Cultivate confidence.
Start here: Decide you belong.
Do you want stronger, more courageous leaders around you?
Start here: Affirm they belong.
Then,
Teach them this secret of the universe…
They can decide for themselves that they belong. And they can become unstoppable.
